The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate.

According to one study, 24% of lawns have some sort of lawn ornament in their yard.

Internationally, Baywatch is the most popular TV show in history.

At one time in Holland it took four years to train to be a hatmaker but only three years to train to be a surgeon

Despite the many rat infested slums in New York City, only 311 people are bitten by rats in an average year. But 1,519 residents are bitten annually by other New Yorkers.

No one knows why, but 90 percent of women who walk into a department store immediately turn to the right.

The term skyscraper was first used way back in 1888 to describe an 11 story building.

Adults average only one nightmare a year, but typically have seven sexual fantasies a day.

There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are people. The kangaroo population is estimated at about 40 million.

During his entire lifetime, Herman Melville's timeless classic of the sea, 'Moby Dick', only sold 50 copies.

Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

At my age going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

You know how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, I wonder what Chinese mothers use? Perhaps toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these men?

I thought about being rich and it don't mean so much, Just look at Henry Ford, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!

If you jogged backward . . .would you gain weight?

Wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?

I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are more ribs where you came from!"

I have decided that Nostalgia is the VCR of our minds.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class: $40,000

City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong

State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33

Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: 7

Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%

Percentage of American women who say they'd marry the same man: 50%

Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.

Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland/Disney World: 70%

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.

First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

ONLY IN AMERICA

Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.

Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.

Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America... do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures".

Medical Sex Facts

1. It takes 116 muscles to climax, but only 17 to smile. (But who cares?)

2. Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world ... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.

3. The greater the orgasm, the deeper the sleep. Multiple orgasms (20 or more per hour) can induce a coma and near-fusion with the mattress.

4. Eat and drink sensibly. The combination of alcohol and sex, especially after long abstinence, can cause spontaneous fizzle.

5. Improved breath control increases oxygen supply throughout entire body, prevents asphyxiation during mighty kisses, trims and tones pelvis, promotes a stronger upper body enabling you to hold on tight and keep partner from damaging furniture during moments of ecstasy.

6. Better coordination prevents confusion during intricate manipulations, permitting you to talk and perform at the same time.

7. A single ejaculation, especially from a man, contains enough sperm cells to fertilize every woman in the Marines.

8. Oral sex is a great way to firm the lower face. (For whom? )

9. After 16 steady hours of sex, it is wise to check your insurance policy.

10."Where am I?" should not be considered an abnormal response to immense orgasm.

11. Men who experience difficulty with insertion should see a guidance counselor.

12. Too much arousal can bring on a hard-attack.

13. It's perfectly okay to have sex on an empty stomach, especially if it belongs to your partner.

14. You know that you've had too much sex when your life begins to flash before your eyes.

15. You know I've had too little sex when my partner begins to flash before my eyes.

16. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and in demand.

17. Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand up straight.

18. Thirty percent of our body heat escapes through the head (wear a hat during sex).

19. Sex on an inclined surface (an anthill, for example) builds endurance.

20. The length of an orgasm is usually anywhere from three to eleven seconds or four to seven feet.

21. 1970 FDA approves spray-on Vaseline.

22. To prevent bedsores, oil the sheets.

23. Maintenance tip for massages: change the oil every 10,000 strokes.

24. Sexual survival depends on knowing the difference between a birthmark and a rash.

Moved to funnies

sumbitch

I'm done My head herts, feel free to add more thoughts to ponder

Imponderables

1.. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2.. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3.. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4.. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

5.. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6.. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7.. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8.. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

9.. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

10.. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

11.. Remember half the people you know are below average.

12.. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

13.. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

14.. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

15.. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

16.. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

17.. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

18.. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

19.. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

20.. I intend to live forever -- so far so good.

21.. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.

22.. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

23.. Mind like a steel trap -- rusty and illegal in 37 states.

24.. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

25.. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

26.. Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have.

27.. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

28.. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

29.. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

30.. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Frenk posted the ultimate in Pub Quiz knowledge here, shame I don't have the capacity to carry it with me and have to contantly relearn it ><